Angry Splurge

It's been a few days and I've actually learned quite a bit during my super small break. Herein lies the full and very concise report:

I blew a vein a few days ago in my wrist which was confusing to me since I had no recollection of an injury that would have ripped, torn, or smashed through my vein creating a bulgy black egg-like contusion. And no, I could not blame it on a night of debauchery since my alcohol intake is now almost nonexistent. The next night while laying in my bed I feel this pain as if someone dropped an anvil on my leg near my ankle.My first thought was, "What the hell?! I wasn't even moving!"  Looking down I see a huge bulge just where my foot bends up and OH it throbbed.  It wasn't until the day after that I actually started feeling that wide eyed scared sort of fear, kinda like when watching that scary part of a horror film that is so incredibly full of silently loud anticipation and you're just waiting...  Waiting for the next creepy as shit moment where something heinously awful suddenly happens.  When I was getting dressed and all prettied up to go sell tickets to my next show (super excited to be on stage again!) I felt the same bulge and pain higher up where my leg bends, Higher up as in closer to my most important organs.  In my oh my God I'm going to die of a blood clot moment I silently went where no human being should ever go, and after a few clicks on my keyboard learned all about the different chronic and/or fatal diseases and/or cancers.

I decided to take a little break for the weekend from my "challenge" and all the supplements.  I did not eat clean, drank, and unfortunately blew up like a balloon from the sodium, gluten, and my good friends Jose (Cuervo), Jack (Daniels), and Oliver Mead (honey wine).  My veins are good, thank goodness because I fear/hate going to the doctor, and tomorrow I will resume right where I left off. Because I don't give up.

Stats, before my weekend break:

Good

I LOST 9 LBS!!!

I'm not spilling over the top of my jeans - aka muffin top

When I suck it in, it goes in

I'm starting to see a change

Cellulite is starting to diminish.  I still have a long way to go.

I still have the desire and believe it possible to train and look good enough to compete in a fitness competition

My husband is honest, loving, and so genuinely supportive.  He believes that clean real whole food can not only make you feel and look healthy and strong, but it can elongate your life and naturally heal most ailments that come with age and poor nutrition.  He's a hell of a guy!

Bad

I'm still heavier (in pounds) than I ever was during my first and biggest pregnancy where I gained 40lbs.
The understanding that foods containing gluten mean within a day I blow up into a puffy fat woman so fresh baked bread warm from the oven, mac and cheese, chicken and noodles, and pizza probably have to be a thing of the past...
I lost 9lbs and 2" as of Friday but I feel so bloated and blah from my weekend as if it never happened.

The realization that this is actually going to take longer than expected.
I'm not 22 anymore and two weeks of intense workouts isn't going to bring me back down to my once 19% body fat

Ending thoughts:

Google is bad when you're not 100%

Mac and cheese will always be wonderful

Tequila and whisky will also always be delicious, plain and in a shot glass

I have a hell of a support system

I still believe that in time I can achieve my goals